Tell Me If It's True

This is the furthest I've been. Yet still, I don't know where Im going. I thought the path was cleared but now I seemed to have lost my way, though not for the first time. Im having doubts. Whatever made me think I'd have it all so easily..

I don't understand what is going on.

It's clear she's torn up about it. It was all in the past and it's gone. But it remains etched forever in mind. A strong memory, something like remembering how uncle Spencer used to bring me to the malls and buy action figure toys for me. It seems to me that no matter what I do now and the times ahead, I'll never be on top. I could be wrong but it does sure feels like it.

It's true. No one will probably ever understand the statement. I never have. I feel a temporary disconnection whenever I hear it. I hate the feeling. No matter how hard I try to stomach it, I fail each time. And now the confession has been repeated again in print. As much I didn't wanna believe it, I couldn't help but fear the worse. The engines are failing and the red pumping machine is stalling. The paranoia has kicked in.

If the bubble has burst, I don't think Im in any position to question how it happened and the actions before. I don't think Im entitled to. There was never supposed to be roses in the script. We had both written and agreed to play the roles of white doves.

That script has since been in the trash for I have been cast under a spell ever since the stranger appeared in front of me. Mesmerized, I was lost for a moment not knowing what to do.
From then on, it has been magic. Nothing can ever explain my feelings enough.

I think I have fallen for the stranger. I have always did. But I wonder if it still matters...



Let there be love.

A Beautiful Thing

As time unravels the unknown, the secret slowly unfolds. One by one asked, and I being the shy creature, blushed...my cheeks never been any rosier. Then like it's been every time since, a sudden rush of adrenalin and anxiety hits me. Though it feels like a very short moment of time freeze, I somehow will manage to run and rally the issue around my thoughts. The words flow like I have no control over them. Told like a fairytale story from a book, it seemed to capture the imagination and more importantly attention of those that were being audienced. I don't know what it is, but it felt good letting go. Like I was proud of it.

On the other hand, I never knew what to expect of the other's reactions. The emotions. Like any storyteller, I hoped and waited for congratulatory remarks to rain in. Of cos being human, you can never please everyone. While I enjoyed every ounce of happiness thrown at me even if some felt suspiciously faked, the one thing I was worried of, materialized...at least I think.

Honestly, I don't know what to make of what it was. The signs weren't convincing enough and it felt like it was gonna take an eternity before something happened. The constant rise and fall of the chips perhaps drained me off my stakes and slowly the belief faded. What once felt a possibility now seemed like a distant dream..

In death, a beautiful thing reborns. A beginning for every end.

I see it.

I Get My Beat

Radio = Richard Ashcroft - I Get My Beat

Truth is universal. Everyone believes.

Fate. Destiny. Luck. Time. Love. Hate. Religion. Faith. Life. Death.

Intertwined and related one way or another. They make the person that we become, for good or worse.

In believing somehow, I sometimes confuse myself with the good and bad. What's constructive and what's destructive. What I want and need essentially, picking off rubbish from necessities. Fine-tuning the speed at which life's wheel should turn. Making decisions has never been my forte, Im fickle and sway far too easily to be good at it.

Even when things appear to be good and in actual fact is, I cannot help but think and worry. What if this, what if that... The repercussions. Whatever outcome may be. I hate being pessimistic. Cos with that, along comes paranoia. It's a shitty feeling.

Can't everything be plain jane simple? Like you get one definite answer for whatever you do and not possibilities. Choices only confuse us. People wish for time machines. I think it'll be cooler if we can have tell machines instead. Machines that actually reveal outcomes for all we do and choose. If time machines were built to recover time, wouldn't all the travelling done back and forth waste time itself? Ironic.

Luck has never been an ally of mine. I'd like to think that we're a company now. There was a day when I told a story of myself to strangers, just like the days I've done before. As the faces changed, I chanced upon one. It looked like it was framed from some fine art gallery. I had to chapter it...

Fate. Destiny. Luck. Time. Love. Hate. Religion. Faith. Life. Death.

Now, I get my beat with you.

If I Lay Here, Would You Lie With Me And Just Forget The World?

6.10pm
Radio = Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars

This is unlike any I have ever been or felt before. Im glad that Im happy. I never thought I'd be this soon. Yet for all, that is the only thing I can think of how to say how I feel. Happy is good.

Open up your eyes..

[The hidden ditches ahead are a cause for concern. I doubt I have the capabilities to overcome them. I worry I'll be a disappointment.]

But my eyes are slowly opened, I realised this is something that is potentially too precious, too important, too pure to be tripping over. Perhaps the best thing that's happened for a long long time..

In my own head, the night was magical. Clasped and the warmth instantly made me feel at ease. The sweet smell coupled with silky smooth fine thread running across with the wind. Eyes of gold melted me. The view was beautiful. The moon glowed like a big fat balloon. The reservoir seemed like it was frozen. Crystal shine. It made me wanna run and slide across the surface. And the silence was mystical.

Of cos nothing could ever be perfect. The fake twisted accent commentaries. The Hip-pows and The See You In 1 piece-s.. I swore I squirmed everytime they said that.

I thank thee for the night.

Cheers.


p/s: Happy Belated Birthday Rai and Sya. Advance greeting to Im.




7.45pm

Am I Too Obvious To Preach It? [You're So Hypnotic On My Heart]

4.26pm
Radio = Gavin Degraw - Follow Through

The green softie and her looked irresistible together. Perhaps if I had stared long enough, I would have tasted goodness. And while all the time I thought of putting 5 and 5 together, the harder it seemed to get. Im sure that wasn't so and that's a shame.

The arab man had zero problems having his hands on me. And to turn around with a smile.. That was creepy. I felt violated and cheap. Idiot.

Im an innocent accidental snail killer. Perhaps this one was out for revenge. Big ugly slimy snail was creeping up and came mighty close to knocking the balls off me but I was saved by super duper peanut butter sandwich making woman. Awww my hero..
Good effort snaily. Try moving a little bit quicker next time.

That night, all I had to bring home was a smiley face with love drawn on a yellow round badge.

I'll break the duck soon, if the duck allows..

Signoff,
Virgin Wannabe.

5.36pm