The Great Escape

Hello.

I've been reading past blog entries.. it's strange how i get all immersed in them. Like i'm seeing it all for the first time. Imagining im reading someone else's life story. Yet at the back of my head, i know it's mine.

I realised that i haven't been myself. That old youthful spring in me somehow seems to have disappeared within me. Im getting more stressed up, more frustrated easily these days. Maybe the pressures of life and all its expectations have gotten to me..

Me and my baby have been together for 3yrs and 5months..(+/-?) We don't have a date of when this relationship really became official. Haha.. All i can remember is that i knew her somewhere around her birthday. And both of us just decided that was gonna be the "official" date.

Around that time, i remember the first time she ever asked me out, the first time either one of us did. Yeah she asked first..i was a pussy. She wanted to watch this cartoon movie called "Over The Hedge". I had just finished my soccer game then. She said to me teasingly, she'd be willing to pay for the movie tics and i just had to come. Somehow the plan didn't materialised. I can't remember why..

It's been a long time since then. It's like i've been sleeping in dreams all this while. Floating softly to lullabied good dreams and shaking violently to stormy bad ones. I had spoken of the "honeymoon period" in past entries. I think it's already past. It came and went without me and maybe her ever realising it happened. In between those bad days of fights and arguments, these little "honeymoon periods" must have came and settled. But i took it all for granted. And so they stood hidden and soon faded.

I got lost and forgot how we were. I forgot how much i wanted her and how she made me happy. At times, I feel that i've let her down. Like she's seeing a whole new person in me that's a total opposite from the one she knew during those early courting days. I think, ever since the talk of marriage came, i haven't really been myself. And i think it's not right im taking it all negatively. Yeah the thought of finances are annoyingly worrying but that shouldn't be thought of as a burden. It becomes one when you make it out to be.

Self assuring one with words is such a fake thing to do but it does give a better feel. I just hope, things will all work out in the end. Please.

Things haven't been going well for me and her. And i don't know why. Whenever we fight and i think to the last thing that we share: a relationship, i dare not think of ending it. I just can't bear to let go and see her disappear from my life. And though we've said our 'i love yous' countless times, i'd want to say it again now with the thought in mind that i really mean it. I love you baby. Words being just words, if i ever get lost and go back to forgetting, please stand by me and guide me towards the light again.

I hope we'll find that peace and happiness again.. Let's.



"We have our silly fights and petty arguments. You may not be perfect, just as is me, just as is everyone else but the ultimate importance is that I've never felt happier with anyone and this is the best thing that's ever happen to me. Thank you for making me feel important. Friend and lover. I cherish you."

- Sunday March 11th, 2007.