Tak Bisakah

12.51am
Radio: Peterpan - Tak Bisakah

Do we make things complicated or are things complicated as they are? Im sure if I'd ever find the answers, they're sure to be just as twisted.

Lately Im trying not to think too deep or dwell too much into matters that works the brain into overtime. Been working towards easiness and simplicity, for though satisfaction won't probably be felt as much compared to say being an opportunist living on the edge, I think I'll have more control over stability. This however might require a genuine effort. There could be every opportunity towards finding a certain peace. And I'd like to think that this peace will be the compensation for the lack of adventure.

There's less anxiety for communication recently. No anticipation. Though thoughts are still there, motivation lacks. I don't know if this is for the best and Im in no rush to find out..

Was told by Farina there's an event coming up in a couple of months. And I could be given an access..? Kewl kewl. Not ready to spill the beans out of the can yet but this is something Im definitely looking forward to..if news rings true. Hopefully. I might have just found myself a new found interest. Just coinciding with what Farina's doing, Im thinking of taking up a new activity soon once there's enough cash. I don't wanna be calling it a hobby cos it sounds old..and a little 'childish'... Right. Her interest relative to mine, I see a possible future working partnership. Chucks. Somehow the future seems exciting now.

My... Im so useless with computers and their applications. I am like the consumers' consumers. Earlier, tried to load a video into the post. I thought it was gonna be easy but I never thought it'd be that complicated. And I got lost in translation. I should have stopped at that but no, I had to be a burden and call upon Mar's assistance. And for all her efficient efforts, in the end I decided to stick to the old layout. Hmmm this sounds familiar..

The minute I realised how complicated it was going to be writing posts in future with the new template, I aborted. So yes it was a waste of Mar's time. Im sure I would have been murdered had it been Ain's.. So sorry Mar. I thank you for your patience of answering all my idiotic 'duh' questions. For a few other helpful explanations, I salute you.. Alright I think that's enough.

My liking for this band has steadily grown since the first time I heard them. But adoration has further soared with their latest offering. The music video is nice. And Im smitten with the girl in the clip..

video

If the guy does get the girl in the movie, can I get myself one. [just like her..?] Tak bisakah..

3.16am

I Wish Wish Wish

3.25pm

Was on my way to friday prayers earlier. Something stupid happened. I got up the wrong bus. Bah! It was a critical mistake. There was no way I could have gone down the next stop and taken the right bus. This one hit the expressway immediately!! Ended in Toa Payoh and I haven't got anything to do there. Fuck. How could I have not known and be so careless. One bad trip. So silly..

Got a barking from dad couple of days back. It was regarding some tax filing issues. I've never really paid much attention to them until then.. I think it's time I got concerned over certain stuffs..like taxes, CPF contributions and nominations and insurances just to begin with. I don't even know if I've made any CPF nominations yet. Somehow I wished I never had to be an adult tied with responsibilities. They just seem to grow with you.

I could say I've never really got to enjoy the salary. There's just no satisfaction. That determination I used to have, saving up for those Star Wars/Spawn figures and comics. How I would spend it all without giving much hoot of how much they'd cost me. It was ruthless. I wonder where it's gone to. These days, it's hard to get on with purchases without ever having to bite my lip. Have I gone all scrooge as some may think?? If only they understood. I don't think I have. Times have changed and so the circumstances. I just wanna be spending without having the guilt after. It's got to get better.

It's been real quiet lately. I wonder where everyone's gone to..

4.59pm

I Didn't Know That This Was Such A Problem

1.20am
Radio = Shout Out Louds - Wish I Was Dead

Met Nazie in person for the first time on Wednesday right after work. Funny how the old nervy feeling of first time meet-ups was gone. Don't recall having any butterflies in my stomach. If there were, they were perhaps busy feeding on the roti john and kit kat I had for dinner. I guess you kinda overcome that fear of virgin meet-ups as you get older. It's like heck! I've done this before and I've got nothing to lose.. well maybe the life if she turned out to be some psychotic date killer. But I wouldn't really call yesterday's a date though. It was more of a "hey - nice to meet you at the mrt station, let's go home now and goodbye". Now that's a first.. And she reminded me of Sya. Nothing to do with characters or looks, just the physique. Bah! How do they grow? What food are parents feeding their childs these days?? I feel old just saying that.. Anyway the impression I got of Ms Nazie? Cold. Could be the due to the jitters..perhaps. It's normal for people to raise their guards and be real frosty when meeting strangers. Either that they turn into idiots while trying too hard to be smooth. But I genuinely think that the case with Nazie, she'll only be a little friendlier when you get to know her better. There were times when I saw the lighter side of her.

Earlier, me and Sam Wise Gam-gee went out. Set out to get myself the ipod travel charger that I urgently had to have once I realised that the ipod battery had a quick life span, all too short for my liking. For $18 I guess it's reasonable enough. I got Athlete's album: Tourist, finally after some time. How I didn't buy it earlier I'll never know cos it's just one great album. Real lovely set of songs. I never thought they'd be melancholic as this. A definite step up from their previous effort. Anyone who likes Coldplay, will love Athlete. I have. As much as I'd love to write a review of the songs, I realised that I'll suck at that. So just go and listen already.

Anyways later while we were at Marina for Sammy's rollerblades survey, I saw Nazie again. Of cos I almost forgot that she was working there. It's funny how we seemed to see each other at the same moment then. Talk about impeccable timing. She appeared to be slacking on the job. But then there were no customers, so.. Still I didn't think advancing in and talking would have been a wise thing to do. Therefore with a smile of acknowledgement, I walked on.. Sometimes I amaze myself with the things I do. Courage under fire. What can I say, shoot me an arrow and tell me where you want the target to be.

Earlier in the day before meeting Sammy, had a pleasant conversation with someone whom I thought I'd have difficulty talking to again. Surprise surprise. It wasn't that hard. And I don't know why there's an unexplained feeling of excitement building eversince, like butterflies in the stomach. I sense hope. At the same time, I sense problems in the making. Or am I just senselessly sensing too much.. all the things that may never even happen in the first place. Fuck.

Time 3.47am. This isn't gonna help the dark rings. Enough thinking, more sleep.

3.49am

We Always Seem To Need The Help Of Someone Else To Mend That Shelf

11.39am

Just got a call from Lucy the other night. Trip to phuket has been called off. And to add salt to injury, yesterday she called and said that we were going afterall. I didn't think things will change again then but it did.. Only a couple of hours back, received news that it's postphoned. Al's mum is down with stroke. With the seriousness of it all, I definitely think the trip is off or let's say postphoned just to soften the blow. Hope the situation with Al's mum isn't serious and that she'll have a steady recovery.

Im really bumped. Don't have the slightest of ideas where to go or what to do now. Hate to be thinking that Im gonna be slaving away for the rest of the year.

If I were to be positive about it, perhaps now I can start saving for that new camera. Sya's friend had mentioned about letting her 'Lomo' type of camera [I think] go at a bargain $200-$300...so Sya claimed. And I have been doing some mini researching of cameras recently. What can I say, guess 'it's gotten me. I don't see any other cameras that has got me smitten as much as Casio's Exilim has. Damn that Zamry! The new EX Zoom and Card series are so delicious. Most expensive comes in around the region of $799. That's hefty. But you never know. I can be crazily impulsive sometimes, to fall over something and stop at nothing to get it.

But then again, there's never been the guarantee you'll get the things you want. Even when it seems that the deal's sealed and done, you tend to get thrown off course every once in a while. And when that happens, you begin to wonder if it's for the best, that better things will come your way or simply, you had your chance and you blew it. Im in the matter now. I can't tell if it's done and dusted or if it works in cycles, but with the latter at least I'd be glad knowing that time is on my side. Knowing me, I just hope that history won't repeat itself. Growing more distant and soon forgetting everything about whatever it was. Sometimes I wonder if Im at odds with fate or life's best parts of things.

Like a crack in a wall; starting small and grow in time

Sya's left for KL yesterday night. I wished I could have gone with her. But then again I guess it would have been a little awkward with her friends around. And that is the reason why of late I've been hoping to crack the 'sister's friends' market. Haha.. For some strange reasons, I feel that things around home is gonna be quieter these couple of days when Sya's gone. The lively loud person she is..

12.16pm

Some Things In Life May Change And Some Things Stay The Same

1.23pm
Radio = Damien Rice - Older Chests

A lot has happened the past week. Nothing drastic, just events taking place. For once I experienced disappointment. Something that has never been felt for a while. I hated the feeling. 3 weeks of dedicated Streetcraft training finally revealed it's outcome. The team came in 4th. ..As Im typing this, I wished I had a gun right now. Not to shoot myself, but the noisy crows outside my window.. Anyways, I never expected I'd see people who I never thought would cry in public do just so. It must have meant that much to them. It had to be the passion to win cos I don't think I would have ever shouted that loud or performed the way I did during the unarmed tactics demonstration in the earlier rounds. A real adrenalin pumping experience. They said our performance was outstanding. Think trainers were pleasantly surprised of me in particular. So was I. I admit I held back during training. But that was perhaps just saving the best for last a. I was silently confident that we'd get at least a 3rd placing cos that was where we were coming into the last segment of the competition. Commander's moment of consoling the team was forgettable. It felt more of pity than trying to empathize. I'll never forget those faces of dejection. We gave our all to succeed. Guess God didn't have that in his plans. Later I made my way out to rush for Damien Rice's concert. As I left the team, I remember thinking to myself whether I'll ever see them again. Different teams and work schedules. Faces that were alien at the beginning and now all so familiar to me. Im missing them already.

It was a mad rush for the concert. Took a taxi from work to City Hall. The cabbie earned himself the remaining change of $4. The bollock didn't have small change and I was in no position to dillydally. After meeting up with Sya, Imran and Marlina [the awkward group], we walked to Suntec. I wanted to run but Sya thought it was ridiculous and so throughout the journey, it was like Big Walk in the Olympics. Come to think of it, I don't know which one would have made us look like clowns. Mad running in our fashionably dressed clothes, then reaching the place covered in melted mascaras and liners and sweat..Imagine our state. Or Big walking that in fact cramped my butts [it did!] and then arriving there late and denied entry. Just something to talk about.

Alas, we reached with some buffer time. As we entered the theatre, I saw the stage. It was smoky filled with candelabras. Instantly, I knew this was going to be an intimate soulful concert. Our central seatings were better than expected actually. And more unexpectedly was the way Damien Rice made his entry. Like a soundman, he walked nonchalantly into the stage and forward to the mic. The moment he open strummed his guitar into The Professor's tune, everyone hushed. The silence was calm, guitar plucks and strums so clean and clear. What struck me most was Damien Rice's vocals. They were tight and polished. Never once throughout all the songs did he fail to reach those seemingly unreachable high notes or control the tricky low ones. I was very impressed by his guitarsmanship. His close crowd interaction, stage antics and down to earth artiste behaviour were also delightful. Obliging to song requests without much hesitation only endeared himself to the crowd. The charmer. It was obvious, he had everyone warmed up to him..well maybe except for the guy sitting next to me. Slouching on his seat, he didn't seem to be enjoying the show. I don't recall hearing any laughs from him whenever Damien cracked a joke or silly explanation. His coughs was the only thing that reminded me of his presence. There was something about his stoic attitude that I found very irritating. And did I mention he had bad breath too? Pity the girl who was with him.

I didn't take any pictures. Sya had easily left the camera at home and Marlina's camera couldn't take the dark environment even with flash. What of Imran? He didn't even bring his MD to start with! So what more of camera. Bah! That just strengthens my need for a new and better camera. Through my sorry handphone recordings, I calculated D.R played about 17 songs. Each and every one different but similar in how they pulled the emotions with such ease. Cannonball, Cold Water, Unplayed Piano, I Remember, Volcano, Eskimo and The Blower's Daughter just the few to name. Actually Im doing the rest of the songs injustice by naming the earlier ones cos they were all so f**king good. What was more amazing was that they sounded better live! The only thing that was sorely missing was Lisa Hannigan's angelic voice echoing through. Still, D.R showed he could hold a performance together on his own. Kudos to him. By the time it ended, I was left wanting for more of him. If I could, I would have had him play all night until I got tired of him..Like any of those could happen. Watching D.R was a bittersweet experience. He was real. And that was what made him outstanding. And so it is.. just like I thought it'd be. Damien Rice was brilliant.

If I hadn't realised how brilliant an album this is,
I would have now.

One for the soul searchers

A pity Lisa Hannigan didn't come.

Lately, I've been thinking about Ms Sandy. Whether I should do anything to change the situation between us. I don't know why but perhaps there's the fear of losing her to someone else and then Im left with hundreds of questions of what ifs. I've had those things happening to me so many times. I know that wouldn't be justifying any of the actions I could take to change things, but I worry. Im just uncertain of what I want right now. But I do wanna know how things will be like if we ever make it. And that could just be the motivator..

On the financial side of things, it is not looking too good. Heard from sis that the business is not doing well lately. Dad's general bills and debts are accumulating. I hope that this is not a curse or anything like that cos rarely have we had any riches to enjoy. I am thankful for what we have but I wished we never had to worry too much about finances to enjoy life. I just hope and pray things will turn for the better God permits. And I've decided that Im gonna start putting aside $50 -$100 each month apart from savings starting April onwards. My personal piggy. See how it grows..just like I used to do. Save it for rainy days or whatever. Hope this works.

Oh yes, just for another change, I've decided to experiment with a smaller and different font for the writings.

It's 5.10pm?? I think Im gonna do something else now. Not that I can think of what to do next..

Cheers and love.

5.16pm