Love Is Noise

Hello.

So where were we...?

2 years have gone and it seems we haven't really understand each other completely. Arguments that we cook out of nothing irritates me alot. Like when we're laughing and smiling one minute and then suddenly on the next we're at loggerheads. I'm not blaming you. I am naive and sometimes ignorant of the things i say or do. Either its done on purpose or not, only i know but it's something i'm honestly unsure of myself and i gotta seek deep to begin explaining. There is something very wrong with me and perhaps it's a weakness you pick on unknowingly. And perhaps that's why our quarrels are personal mostly. I know it's hard when we're quarelling. You want to solve things quickly without dragging our feets while I would rather call time to calm our fires down. I don't know which is better. You do have a point about saying that i'm just sweeping matters under the rug without actually cleaning them up. So on that basis, i have to say i'm wrong. Be more patient and calm with me. Cos when you're tone is calm, i'm at peace with you. I've told you before, i hate being pushed and rushed by anyone. My system will only shut down till things lighten up. And anyway silence is easy. I admit i'm not the easiest person to communicate with prior to what you could have thought in the past. It's a fact. But i hope i'm difficult only during bad times. I don't know why words just disappear and i can't think of what to say when we're in the boil. When you're firing away your points, i'm a blank and feel like an open target. I truly wish we could have a decent fight sometime where it's fair game. Again, i'm not blaming you. It's only natural when people argue they talk and reason, something which i find hard to do. Lest you've forgotten, i'll just remind you that it's not me being rude and showing disrespect when i don't respond to you. I'm just hiding in my shell, away from war. I don't want to be battling from beginning to end. I'd love it if we could hug and make up in the middle of things.

I'm a rare breed. Something you haven't encountered in your entire life and it's a challenge. You are trying to figure and understand, i can see. I'm sorry if you get hurt while laying down the foundation of our lives. I'm only human. Change is not easy. We are all stubborn in our own ways. I will say one thing. I won't wanna hurt you anymore than i have. I hope you'll do the same. But if mistakes do repeat along the way, hold on. Luckily, it's something we're very good at.

Je t'aime.

Selamat hari raya loved ones.



p/s: r.i.p bo. may god bless your soul.