Driftwood

Oct 31 05 - 2.39am
Radio = M83 - Gone

For the first time I think I'm having some difficulties starting off. Lost for words. Lack ideas. But maybe don't need ideas anyway. Write what I feel there and then. The moment. So no plans. Just pang of emotions penned down. Here it goes... Come to think of it.. the year's coming to an end soon. 2006 becons. For this past year, I can't think of any significant thing I've done. Nothing. Zips. Thinking.....2.58am. .....Nope nothing. It's all been work shit work. Im really getting tired of it. 3 years and counting. I've always had better plans for my time. But work seems to have had a grip on my time. Im stuck in this zombie schedule. Where's the work life balance?? It's more of slavery for work. What worries me most is how fast a year has gone and seeing how little I've done in life. Heck Im even turning a year older very very soon!! Look around. Friends. They've got their degrees and diplomas. Education = checked. They've got their vehicle licences. Personal Enhancement = checked. Bikes and Cars. Transportation = checked. They've got their lovers. Emotional Support = checked. Everything seems to fall nicely for them.. Some things I know you have to work for it but the others?? Sometimes I think it is true. Some people just have all the luck. They just. Or blame me. Resting on my laurels for too long??? Concentrating on work too much that Im actually ignoring other life aspects without realising it. Gosh I need a plan. I need a life planner! Just dat little bit of spark to ignite things around. Im worried. I think Im drifting. Turning into driftwood.. and that worries me... A LOT.

I'll go to sleep now. Sleep my worries away..As I always do.

Oct 31 05 - 3.53am

Guide me. Give me your strength.

Oct 20 - 10.06pm
Radio = Gavin Degraw - Chariot

Hmm time's a flyer. Fasting month's already passed halfway thru'- 14 days to raya. Isk.. Dunno if I've actually put on or lost weight.. cos I feel light. Looked in the mirror - Body's a lil skinnier.. hmm I might have lost some pounds. Shitos. People have said that I look skinnier than they remember before. Last time this boy was full of cheeks. Perhaps now not so chubby as before..thank you thank you thank you. But I'm still cheeky tho'.. gramatically.

Funny how I'm actually looking forward to this year's raya. Perhaps perhaps perhaps, I'm missing friends more than ever. Enthusiastic [la].. And to think that I'm not even gonna get any $ collection. Been 3years since I last pocketed?? Nowadays focus is more on output than input. Any unexpected inputs are a bonus. More of it pleaaaaseee! Gone are the days.. Sigh.. I miss the sight.. Hundreds of loaded raya envelopes in front. Counting them with gleeeeeee........
Money Money Money.. Must be funny in a rich man's world.
It's honey to me. It's all sweet. And yes, leaves a sticky mess too.

P/S: I hate you. Yes you know who you are... I hate you! Yes you know who you are.. I hate you!! Haiya..what happened to the plan [la]. Perhaps it's my fault too..khakha. I'll say sorry for my part. But I knew I'd be awkward with the situation being a third party there..I don't even know the person! I'm a brick of walls around new people. They'd have to knock their walls down first.. And got to know the person's quiet???? Noo Noo Noo.. The combination's got disaster written all over. Next time please plan the outing for the 2 of us only ok. Only ME + U. I hate you!!!
Director: Geylang take two... Action!

Lately I've gotten to know 2 new people Ana* and Lisa*. Nice additions to my list of friends. Especially since they're a crazy bunch. Love seeing craziness in people. They take themselves less seriously. To the newbies..if you're reading this..don't ever be sane please. I don't know what happened to the old collection of friends..most. Lost somewhere..They got themselves "lost". Are they or am I the one who's lost??
Oh where are thou[s]?? But I know I'll see your face[s] again.. come Hari Raya. Come quickly..

11.42pm

Still waiting for a call..

Oct 20 05 - 11.44pm

*Names have been changed to protect their identities.

I Feel So Uninspired

Oct 13 05 - 1.37am
Radio = Big Runga - Sway

Perhaps it's in me.. Maybe I should have been a writer instead..

Haven't really been in the pinkest of health lately... Hmm pinkest.. How often do u see the word..Pinkest. Pink. Can't make of what I feel about the colour..I think it turns me off. I think. Sorry pink lovers.. Maybe turn off is too strong a word. Let's put it as irk.. Ya I think that's it. Irk. I remember that whenever I have to hold something that is pink..e.g umbrella..that's often.. I get irked. Don't ask y..it's just natural I guess. To even be putting on something pink..forget it. I'll never wear the colour. Hell no. Not in this lifetime. Not ever... Ay what the f***? This wasn't what I was gonna write about.

As I was saying, have been falling sick past few days too easily for my liking. This is strange. Not saying that I don't get sick ever but it's seldom that I do. Been having sore throat and fever. The latter's gone. Luckily. Combination of those two is sick-ening. This sore throat is proving more of an unlikely challenge. The thick phlegm and all..urgh. It's been what 3 days? Only now its showing some respite towards recovery. Hopefully that continues.. It's irritating when you're talking and suddenly losing your voice. Only consolation I think with the grainy husky voice, it sounds sexy sometimes. Hahaha. But I want my sweet voice back!

Everything is unchanged. Im still waiting for the driving licence that was promised 3 years ago. "You'll be given a driving licence once you sign with force alrite...bla bla bla bla bla.." It's ok...I can wait.. take your time.. F***!!!! Think once I have that..new horizons will be opened. I'll go anywhere whenever I wanna..arr dats the life kimy. I'll never be late.. Maybe not as often as it used to. So suck at planning time. I need a time planner. No more relying on public transports. No more standing in crowded buses/ MRT trains. Im tired of those. And save me from those body odours pls! Plus taxis are a f***ing waste of my money. So.. Well... haven't been doing anything new that I can brag about. Work's getting old. Im stressed. Need a break. Looking forward to going on a holiday soon..maybe in a month's time? Or december perhaps.. Don't care where..anywhere but here! Basically I need a getaway. Hmm I might need a travel guide...

2.31am

Been trying to add audio to friendster and blog.. how the hell do I do it???? All I get in the search internet are video codes. Understand you gotta take the URL and paste it into the profile. But how do u get the f***ing URL in the first place!!?? I need help man.. I play nice music..such a waste of talent.

Hmm still no luck in finding that elusive songbird..Maybe I'll need to go out more often. Where to? Chinatown? Little India? Geylang? Town? At least Hugh Grant had a hunt place to go to in About A Boy - SPAT. "Single parents alone together.. All for one and one for all.. Woooo!!" Hahaha..
Hmmm or is she already there waiting??? Shit here I go again..

Where are thou?? Sway my way...

Arrivederci..

13 Oct 05 - 2.43am

I Need Some More Of You To Take Me Over

7 Oct 05 - 2.22am
Radio = Athlete - Chances

Perhaps it's in me.. Maybe I should have been a writer instead..

Work kinda got interesting today. In 3 years, this was the first time I actually 'participated' in it. To borrow those famous lines from Fear Factor : "To stare fear in the eye.." Well only for this case, I stared at death itself..eye to eye. The exhibit? Someone had bungee-d. While others do it for the thrill, this one I guess just wanted all to end..there and then. .. .. .. This was it. I didn't have to come, but I wanted to. Just to get over those initial first time nerves..actually u never get over the nerves, u just get on with them and do what your job requires you to. That's what they said. And I did it.. I helped lift the sheet and wa laa.. there he lay, face up. This one was clean. One piece. As much as I wanted to run and hide, somehow a bravier mini part of me told me to stay..close. And as bad luck would have it, I duno how I got nearest to him..I must have probably drifted near without my mind realising it. The personnel tasked to take the photos of the body then told me to help 'adjust' his head for a better shot.. ...errrm excuse me??!! Adjust what?? There..I swore I didn't feel my heart. What were u thinking u idiot??!! Standing close acting like a hero?? Now's ur chance then.. I remember saying a prayer as I walked to it. With both hands onto his partially bloodied head, steadying the head and adjusting it so it'd face a more central position. Think the skull probably had cracked. I felt it. Pieces.. While moving the body later to check for other things, I had to again hold the head. Shit I didn't wanna!!
NEWS: Man was in his mid 50's. Chinese. Suffering from a cancer in his head. Pity. Anyways it happened. And Im glad Im ok... No side effects. So far so gd. Let it stay that way pls.
Never in a gazillion years would I ever do it again.. unless I have to... NOoooOO...!!!!

3.17am

Checked the time. What the f***!

3.23am

Im hungry. Should I go eat now or save it for breakfast later in n hr's time...?

3.25am

Im thinking..I think Im getting better by the week, mentally and physically. Was suffering from fever last few days and of cos the mini depression thingy. I think getting on with things was the right decision. N maybe..just maybe it'd just get better in future. Let's just hope so. Im thinking..I think Im probably gonna eat right after this..

"Take all your chances while you can. You never know when they'll pass you by.."

"It's all about your cries and kisses. Those first steps that I can't calculate.. How to start again. It's all about you."

Excellent song.

7 Oct 05 - 3.41am

You Lost Your Trust And You Never Should Have

6 Oct 05 - 12.41am
Radio = Coldplay - See You Soon

Perhaps it's in me.. Maybe I should have been a writer instead..

It's late and I know I should be tucked in bed by now but I dunno y Im not asleep yet. Things haven't been good the past couple of weeks but at least Im coping and slowly getting on I guess. Still not happy as I should be though. Looking forward for better things to come my way.

Today was the first day of a month's fasting. The day kinda passed quickly. No hassles. Was in bed about half the day, just lying around. The other half I spent on watching TV. And it certainly helps when you have friends vcd to watch. Tomorrow should prove more of a challenge. I'll be at work of cos. Hope the tour will be kind to me. Smooth n steady..

1.01am

Damn it I should be sleeping already! Arite dats it for the day. Im off to bed definitely maybe.. Arrivederci

6 Oct 05 - 1.07am