I Need Some More Of You To Take Me Over

7 Oct 05 - 2.22am
Radio = Athlete - Chances

Perhaps it's in me.. Maybe I should have been a writer instead..

Work kinda got interesting today. In 3 years, this was the first time I actually 'participated' in it. To borrow those famous lines from Fear Factor : "To stare fear in the eye.." Well only for this case, I stared at death itself..eye to eye. The exhibit? Someone had bungee-d. While others do it for the thrill, this one I guess just wanted all to end..there and then. .. .. .. This was it. I didn't have to come, but I wanted to. Just to get over those initial first time nerves..actually u never get over the nerves, u just get on with them and do what your job requires you to. That's what they said. And I did it.. I helped lift the sheet and wa laa.. there he lay, face up. This one was clean. One piece. As much as I wanted to run and hide, somehow a bravier mini part of me told me to stay..close. And as bad luck would have it, I duno how I got nearest to him..I must have probably drifted near without my mind realising it. The personnel tasked to take the photos of the body then told me to help 'adjust' his head for a better shot.. ...errrm excuse me??!! Adjust what?? There..I swore I didn't feel my heart. What were u thinking u idiot??!! Standing close acting like a hero?? Now's ur chance then.. I remember saying a prayer as I walked to it. With both hands onto his partially bloodied head, steadying the head and adjusting it so it'd face a more central position. Think the skull probably had cracked. I felt it. Pieces.. While moving the body later to check for other things, I had to again hold the head. Shit I didn't wanna!!
NEWS: Man was in his mid 50's. Chinese. Suffering from a cancer in his head. Pity. Anyways it happened. And Im glad Im ok... No side effects. So far so gd. Let it stay that way pls.
Never in a gazillion years would I ever do it again.. unless I have to... NOoooOO...!!!!

3.17am

Checked the time. What the f***!

3.23am

Im hungry. Should I go eat now or save it for breakfast later in n hr's time...?

3.25am

Im thinking..I think Im getting better by the week, mentally and physically. Was suffering from fever last few days and of cos the mini depression thingy. I think getting on with things was the right decision. N maybe..just maybe it'd just get better in future. Let's just hope so. Im thinking..I think Im probably gonna eat right after this..

"Take all your chances while you can. You never know when they'll pass you by.."

"It's all about your cries and kisses. Those first steps that I can't calculate.. How to start again. It's all about you."

Excellent song.

7 Oct 05 - 3.41am