I'm Seeing A Tunnel At The End Of All These Lights

----I thought it was cute----
So it got adopted
............And she adored it

14 Dec 05 - 12.31am
Radio = Travis - Why Does It Always Rain On Me

It's strange. The past few days, there's this urge to write-in each day. And it's pushing the mind into overdrive. I haven't got the slightest clue to where all this motivation is coming from. Perhaps its the down feeling, pushing the need to pen it down somewhere. Expression of words. For actions do not necessarily speak louder than words. It just confuses the intentions sometimes.

12 Dec. Met Erin. It was difficult letting the truth out to her. Didn't know how to start. Somehow the message got through anyway. It was awkward. I felt bad. Confidants had advised against the idea of leaking the truth to her. I saw their point. But still somehow rather I felt she had to know. Couldn't bear hiding the facts, giving the impression that everything was alright. It wasn't. So the truth was told. Disappointment. Anger. I saw it in her. It was fine. Emotions understood. Any person would have felt likewise. But overall she took it well.. I hope. I think. I know. I really hope she understands my situation too. I think I've made the right choice by telling. Promised no secrets. Weight lifted off shoulders, it feels a relief. And I know that in the end, the mood is all well in the camp. Any hard feelings should have been made known. Then, now and in future.

Anyways.. the belated birthday gift has been passed. Was a little worried of the reactions upon seeing the lil' fuzzy fella. Alas, I got a good feeling. Adoration all over. Thank you Indra ~ Sam-Wise Gamgee'. Again, you are a genious...sometimes.

I didn't do much at work yesterday. Deployed for security static duty. Sat in the whole day warming my bum. Though restlessness kicked in at some part of the day, the rain that came later eased all uneasyness. Soothing. Still at times I wished I had something to do. [Read: Human Behaviour. Never satisfied with anything. It's always less or more. This or that]. But I definitely had a good rest. No complaints about that. *Winks*

At home, me and mum are back on speaking terms. Now things appear back to normal.. on the surface at least. Still not too sure of what the heart feels, although she did briefly trash out on the matter in the morning before work. At least that was better. The way it was done.

I got my mind on something else..

Im not at ease, still. Though this time its not mainly on the topic that's often being discussed recently. It's about M.O.N.E.Y now. When will all these worries ever stop!!?? Sometimes I wonder. If I have a cursed luck..[??] Is it because I lied when I was seventeen? Not that I can recall now..

Even when the sun is shining, I can't avoid the lightning..

Family commitments are a burden. Really.. Arrrrggh I feel bad already saying it! [They're my FnB. If not me, who will?]. Ok so then in looking at it in another way, there are some good in it. It does mould you. I think it's made me into a more cautious person[??] speaking money term. More appreciative of the value of money itself these days. Perhaps a little more responsible with the way it's spent. But... Im desperately itching to get an IPOD Nano! Hopelessly devoted to the cause of it's purchase. Hmmmm we'll see how it goes. Who knows Santa might just drop by...

Listening to this song.. Reminds me of the good ol' days. A brilliant anthemic song. It was perhaps apart from Oasis the reason I picked up a guitar. Playing it at jam studios, acoustic sessions with the lads. Really missed those moments. Those were perhaps the best days of my life. Well..

Goodnight.

I can't sleep tonight
Everybody's saying everything is alright
Still I can't close my eyes
I'm seeing a tunnel at the end of all these lights
Sunny days
Where have you gone
I get the strangest feeling
You belong
Why does it always rain on me
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen
Why does it always rain on me
Even when the sun is shining
I can't avoid the lightning
I can't stand myself
I'm being held up by invisible men
Still life on a shelf when
I got my mind on something else
Sunny days
Where have you gone
I get the strangest feeling
You belong
Why does it always rain on me
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen
Why does it always rain on me
Even when the sun is shining I can't avoid the lightning
Where did the blue skies go
Why is it raining so
It's so cold

14 Dec 05 - 3.46am