Let's Move It Along

John Mayer - Wheel


It's an ongoing battle between the mind, head and heart. Im constantly contemplating on things, whether I should do this or that or simply not do anything. I think this will take a while before the dust settles. I say the quicker the better. Cos it's just not funny at all, not anymore.

I don't think I can ever explain what I felt then, those first few days were hell. To think about it, it's probably one of the worse experiences I've had. It still lingers, only that I think Im at another hell's level now, one which is closer to the exit.

I think the fact that Im back to writing again reveals a good sign that perhaps things are slowly getting back to the way they used to...before IT.

IT. Strange how I used to have a discussion on this... The movie where a monstrous evil clown scares the shit out of his victims, killing some of them. And 10-20 years down, the survivors still remember and feel the same ill-effects. I wish that doesn't happen to me. But if it does, then we all know what happens at the end of the show. The evil clown dies. (does IT?) The survivors win. I'll win.

I'd be lying if I said I've forgottten and not missed her at all. I still do. Something tells me that I'll always will. But there is only so much between holding on to something or letting go. It's a fine line. A compromise between what the head and heart says. I will have to find that balance quickly.

Remembering what they said, not to think too much about it unneccesarily, and keeping yourself occupied with good stuffs and friends. (single friends for the better cos you'd appreciate more of their company than those lovey dovey lovebirds..! haha.) I guess sis had a point. If things don't work out, then they were never meant to be. But I still wonder why they have to happen in the first place(?????)

I just remembered something that Marlina said to me. How you shouldn't give your entire heart out to someone, no matter how much you feel for them.

You can't love too much one part of it...(??)

It's back to the old drawing board now...

(Hopefully come september, I'll have some good news to share... God willing.)


Cheers.