Lights Will Guide You Home And Ignite Your Bones

I don't know how it developed. It happened overnight. I saw the signs but I chose to ignore it. Now Im left with a hoarse voice. Fucking irritating. I can't complete a sentence without my voice breaking. How the bloody hell am I gonna go to work with this kinda state? Blame the heat. Blame the lack of water. Blame the current conditions. Oh and I smoked a cigarette too. That felt awesomely good.

The past month or so has been a hell of a rolllercoaster ride. Full of ups and downs. The highs especially, the greatest heights. Unfortunately however, it's ended. I think. It was a ride I've never been on and potentially the best I have ever been on. Something I'll never forget ever. The past month, I became a kid again. I was the happiest then. I thank thee for that.

I don't know why we can never be happy. Perhaps it's a curse. Perhaps it's karma. Perhaps it's just bad luck. Or perhaps we just don't believe enough. As much as I hoped we'd be a closer unit, there's just no indication that it'll ever happen. I think I've grown accustomed to all these silly petty fights in the house. To his grave, grandpa was never trully at peace with mum. Grandpa and dad, mum and dad had their load of issues. Mum always seemed to find faults with sis right up to her marriage. When I was growing up, I felt that dad was always picking on me, and hitting me. Now he only screams, I'll never tolerate anymore of the old nonsense. We've never had that father-son relationship kinda thing. I just wished we were closer. Of cos, there were the occasional sibling squabbles, non more than those that involved me and Sya. And little An seems to be living in a world of his own. As long as he's safe and happy, I wouldn't mind. Im just glad that the bond between us siblings are much more concrete these days. Brothers and sisters unite.

Perhaps, Uncle Spencer and the close friends are the only people that have made me genuinely happy, always. Without them, I don't think I'd be a normal person. Of cos, I'll always love mum.

I just think I need to get away for awhile.