What I Chase Won't Set Me Free (All I Wanted)

Goo Goo Dolls - Sympathy


I had a drive around with Indra last wed. Destination was Orchard. But we got more than we asked for. We got lost on the road. Dorks! I guess that's only normal for first timers... isn't it? On the ECP, I missed the exit for Rochor to get to town via Suntec. Indra's conversations distracted me. Kudos to me for trusting him to be my extra eyes on the road. Soon the lesson (and torture) began. Getting lost was one thing, hearing constant garbage from the person sitting next to you was another deal to handle. He was that irritating, surprisingly. I had wanted to punch him. Yell at the top of my voice to ask him to shut the fuck up. And wished he'd disappear completely so that I'll figure out the way in peace. Those were in mind. All I could offer in real time were pathetic "oh really..." and the "ahuh..." replies to his nonsense. For a moment, I wished it was dad sitting next to me.

I guess seeing I was a little worried that we won't getting anywhere familiar and probably cos our asses were starting to sore, he became more responsible and help to lead the way. And along it, redeemed himself. Somehow, all I remember was going in circles off some road before we magically (praise the Lord!) found ourselves in Clarke Quay. Of cos, I was familiar now. Those years of policing certainly came in handy.

We hit Orchard close to midnight. It was a rare treat. Walking around as a normal civilian without having to worry about the public's eye. Having supper at Mac's that late hour without having to worry how you're gonna get home brought such an o' good feeling.

As if it wasn't getting any later, we took our guitars stuffed in the car, and played through the wee hours of the morning. Harrrrrr...




What's gone will always stay with me. Memories will be cherished. I just wished we had advanced technology where we could have our minds erased. So that we can always start again, each time a brand new person unscathed by any painful past.

To have the things you thought were lost forever return to you is always nice. It brings a nice surprise and I've always loved that. And everything has been clarified. They are much clearer to me now. But in knowing the truth, Im saddened by the fact that perhaps I was being misunderstood. That my true intentions were never given time, a chance to prove itself. Fear always chokes our hopes.

Things are different now. Somehow there's still a tiny thought in me, wishing things then had been different. And who dares question the existence of possibilities. But I know it's a tall tall order for changes. I don't want to live in the past. I hate waiting. I hate hoping for something good to happen only to be disappointed in the end. So I think for the good of me and others, it's best to leave things as they are and not ask questions. Forgive and forget. Be grateful with what you are and what you have. Let nature run it's course.

Beautiful thing. Perhaps I'll stumble across another...

Sociability is hard enough for me. But Sya says I need to stop depending on the computer. Instead go out more and do more, with the hope that I get to meet and know more people. Perhaps that's what I need to do.

Im sure the time will come for discovering. Right now, I just need a moment to settle. Cos now it's all just me again, back where I started and Im not sure of what I want...


p/s: Mum leaves for France in a week's time. :(